Couples

One of my mentors is a fantastic relationship expert residing in St. George, Utah. I gleaned from him very early on in my student mentorship & internships 15 years ago the spark for couple’s work.

The way I watched him and his mentor create emotional connection with a couple in chaos in a room was pure magic.

I began training in Emotionally Focused Couple’s work immediately. 

I believe we come into relationships with the best of intentions.

As Jillian Turecki so beautifugly puts it, “Yes. Relationships are hard work. We have to work hard to not behave like a child when we are triggered. We have to work hard to not allow our childhood to dictate our behavior. We have to work hard to be accountable when we want to blame. This is why if you want a relationship, you better be ready to open up, be brave, and break your patterns. Because even with the right person you’ll have to face your demons.”

I’ve watched, listened to, and helped couples in crisis for a long time. My goal and wish is for more couples to seek counseling or coaching as preventive medicine and a normal part of relationship maintenance. Reducing the stigma of couple’s counseling is perhaps at times more difficult than individual therapy.

Often times, couples work comes too late or it is used as a weapon. It can be a cry for help at the final hour that may feel safe for one and not for another. Or perhaps both partners are scared in their own way.

Sometimes couples seek counseling after a tragedy or betrayal.

Having a couple’s coach as part of your team from the beginning or start of any relationship is in my mind what I wish all people would do.

Regardless of how you come to me, I am a safe place.

Codependency vs. Healthy Interdependency is important to delineate. Healthy communication and healthy boundaries fuel relationship success.

Attachment style impacts an individual across a lifetime and will impact every type of relationship— familial, platonic, sexual, romantic, and partnerships.

I assess all my couple’s from an attachment lens and educate about Anxious, Avoidant, Disorganized, and Secure Attachment.

A secure attachment base to first, SELF, allows a secure attachment base to others.

Overall there is always hope. Underneath all content there is a familiar pattern and cycle of responding to emotions and needs in yourself and others. Tapping into that and learning to understand your part in your cycle unleashes your ability to communicate with others in a new way.

Regardless if that changes your relationship—  you will learn how your emotions, attachment and trauma effects you individually and your relationships across your lifespan.

To read more about my couple’s process, visit my Modalities page and read about Emotionally Focused processing.

Also, click HERE to learn more about attachment styles and how they impact our relationships.